The Love Lock Series: The Kaleidoscope Chapter
“It’s never just a shape alone, love is a kaleidoscope”
—Chappell Roan “Kaliedoscope”
Welcome to the final chapter of season 2 of The Love Lock series.
To be honest I don’t always feel qualified to write about romance. It’s the thing that fascinates me the most, scares me the most, and is the lens through which I often think of my life. I ask people questions like “what makes you fall in love?” as I seek to understand people’s different experiences with love. I long to know their stories. Were you obsessed with your person from the start? How long did it take for you to know they were the one? Were you nervous at first? Did the nerves ever go away? How has romance changed your life? How do you know you’re making the right decision?
I’ve wrestled a lot with the concept of “knowing” in all things, but especially romance. I’m a planner, so I like to be prepared. The job search taught me how impossible it is to know future circumstances and exactly which strategic move to make to combat the obstacles you think you can foresee. Life is sometimes like chess, but often the rules change and you can’t predict when they shift. Some think of love as a game, but I think if I were to find a metaphor for love (refer to the previous 11 posts to see my attempts) it would have to be something softer, less analytical. Yes, finding love feels like a win, but the real work starts when you’re building a relationship, so really the game metaphor fails to capture what love is really like.
In today’s final response, from an anonymous friend, I couldn’t quite pinpoint what encapsulates his view. But considering he explores many different aspects of falling and staying in love, I would say a kaleidoscope comes close to capturing what love is like for him. Here is his answer:
The short answer is chemistry and knowing who they are lines up with who I am. Someone who connects with me on a deeper level, someone I have a spark with and someone I’m attracted to in who they are on the inside and outside. Going on romantic dates with sunsets, playful banter and serenading each other in a duet is always helpful. Being real with each other and how we’re doing in the small quiet moments while also rooting for each other in public and private. Swimming in bioluminescence or listening to music together with one earbud in each other’s ears. Roadtripping or hiking together while talking about philosophy or theology. But all of these things usually bring about a feeling of love and what I’ve found is that that’s important but not the true sign of whether the love will last. It’s always about the choice of whether you’ll love the person when times get difficult and you don’t have the feeling of love but the choice of love. But falling in love at the start is the best feeling I think we can have in the world.
Maybe finding love comes down to finding someone who finds meaning in the same things you do. When you think about it, everyone’s individuality is like a kaleidoscope, an amalgamation of different interests, personality traits, ideas, and perspectives put together to make one unique person. Of course romance can be hard to find, because finding two unique people who effortlessly connect and are willing to put in the effort for the less effortless aspects of a relationship is a beautiful and rare treasure to unearth.
There’s a lot I don’t know about love. Maybe it’s a handknitted scarf. Maybe it’s cinematic art. Maybe it’s a wonderland. At the end of this installment of The Love Lock series I don’t quite have an all encompassing lesson or epiphany to share. I haven’t come to a conclusion yet about what love means to me or what makes me fall in love. But maybe that’s the whole point. Maybe I don’t have to know. Maybe love isn’t meant to be overtly defined, analyzed, and picked apart. Maybe I’ve spent too much time trying to discover meaning, when love itself is rooted more in feeling and choice. And over time I assume the meaning shows itself in love’s existence, in the actions that display care and decisions made with sacrifice.
Love is a kaleidoscope, one I’m still learning to see. Ultimately, I hope to spend more time loving than thinking of loving. Maybe to do that I have to spend more time living than thinking of living.
